Male Attachment and Traditional Gender Roles

There have been a slew of online personals studies suggesting men fall harder, fall deeper and fall faster than chickies do. Most women (and men) who have had at least one long-term relationship will not at all be surprised by these findings. Speaking from personal experience, upon reviewing both my relationships and those of my close friends, I would say that while men don’t often give women they’re only half-sure about a chance (while many women do with men they’re not sure of), if they meet the right woman, they fall mad and hard and fast and deeply. Commitment phobs, my ass! That doesn’t seem to be an issue when the ‘right’ woman comes along.

Let’s talk about the issues and questions this raises for gender roles after we quickly run through a few of the stats form this online dating study:

* 54 percent of guys believe in love at first sight, while only 44 percent of women do

* 77 percent of women say personal space is extremely important, while only 58 percent of men feel similarly

* only 23 percent of guys think guy’s nights out are essential, while 35 percent of ladies feel nights out regularly with the ladies are key

While the researchers interpret this findings as evident of “what has changed in the last 40 years,” I’m not entirely sure myself. Certainly, women’s economic independence has now given women the actual physical ability to be able to have physical space from their partners (and the subsequent awareness of how valuable this is,) and this is an important thing to remeber. However, there are traditional gender roles still at play here – roles that Virginia Woolf so spectacularly dissected in To The Lighthouse and that continue to exist in today’ society.

While women have many intimate, complex bonds with people outside of their primary relationships, such as with other female friends, men tend to rely on romantic female partners for emotional relief. They are not encouraged to confide in other men. Women are still very much expected to play the role of emotional saviors. Men are obviously therefore going to find themselves much more dependent on their female partners.