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The Faces Women Need To Stop Making On Their Online Dating Profiles



The Faces Women Need To Stop Making On Their Online Dating Profiles

I find it funny how that most articles I have to read about “online dating mistakes” have to do with men. It is always about what a guy is doing wrong on his profile.  Whether it’s posting a fake avatar as his picture, a picture from over a decade ago or leaving a profile picture blank, men take the brunt of the public mockery when it comes to errors in online dating judgement.

I’ll tell you right now ladies, y’all aren’t perfect.

You may think certain photos you gals post are sexy as all Hell when in reality, they make decent guys like myself want to run for the hills or be tempted to make a meme out of your goofy photos.

I find that there are typically five annoying as f*ck profile photo poses I find women fall victim to from time to time and it needs to stop right now if you ladies want to attract someone with a high I.Q. and someone who is not a total prick.

Online Profile Photo Sin #1: “THE DUCK FACE”

Screen shot 2013-04-01 at 11.10.09 AM

I’m going to start with the most obvious one first. Women you need to stop making these duck face photos STAT! I know you may think that somehow this will make your cheeks look smaller, but honestly it just makes you like a) a highly insecure vain chick and b) an aspiring body double for Janice Dickinson or Courteney Cox. When a cool guy sees this, he will skip your profile and if you actually get a response on your page while promoting a pose like this, it’s because the guy thinks you have a good “blowjob lips.”

Online Profile Photo Sin #2: “The Mariah Pose”


This is an extension of number one. Now, one side profile picture is all good, but if all your profile photos strategically feature just one side of your face like Mariah Carey then this misleading. A guy will either think you think you have horrible acne or a tattoo on the hidden part of your face or he will think you’re fat.  I know why you ladies do this. I have two sisters who are guilty of doing these exact same poses. I know you may think hiding your chipmunk cheeks will make you less desirable but it doesn’t. In fact, hiding a side of your face just proves you have something to hide. Show off your whole face and if you’re that insecure, just check out a Youtube make up tutorial on contouring your cheeks. ( I wish I didn’t know that.)

Online Dating Profile Sin # 3: “The Hipster With Glasses” Pose


There is nothing more unattractive than the hipster pose. Look at this picture above for example. She has managed to pull off three online dating profile sins in one f*cking photo.  First of all, if you don’t need to wear glasses, don’t showcase them in your profile.  Also, huge black-rimmed glasses are not only affected, they are unoriginal, douchy and they manage to hide your facial features as well. Just please stop this trend for the love of God!

Online Profile Photo Sin #4: “The Bathroom Selfie”


I loathe self-pics but what I don’t understand is why so many of them are taken in the bathroom.  Are there no other mirrors in your house that you must resort to taking sexy pictures of yourself in the crapper?  Is there any other way you can showcase your personality without a photo that features your one arm primarily? Do you have no other friends and family to take a picture OF YOU?  These are questions I ask myself after having viewed “bathroom selfies” like this and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

Online Profile Pic Sin # 5: “The Fake Moustache Pic”


Why is it that the “movember” profile pics have affected profile photos ALL year round? And more importantly, why are women the ones to be posing with fake moustaches the most? It’s just posturing, hipster-y and beyond stupid if you ask me. Whether you use your hair as a fake moustache or draw a fake moustache on the side of your index finger and put it up to your nose, you ladies you so foolish in these photos and even more so when you use the Peace sign like this poor girl in the photo above.

So ladies, what I’m trying to say is JUST BE YOURSELF!!!!!

Anymore annoying poses you want to add? Let me know in the comment section below!


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  1. Alex says
    April 1, 2013, 9:58 am

    Okay, I haven’t seen the ‘Mariah’ but I’ve seen and been pissed off by the excessive usage of fake mustaches (what the fuck IS that anyway?) and duck face shots!

    I was reading this: “Yep, YES, YEAH! What the heck!!” I’ve seen em and I’m glad I’m not alone here.

    Good shit, man. =)

  2. April 3, 2013, 11:24 am

    Love this and soooo true … people need to really take those profile pics seriously!!

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