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Starting The Conversation

What am I supposed to say in the first message I send to someone?

that question is one of the most common I get in e-mails I get from people new to the internet dating world. It’s hard to respond to online personals when you simply don’t know what to say.

The first message is important because it sets the tone for conversations to come, and it’s the only chance you have at a good first impression. So what do you include? Well, that comes down to the individual person and what you want to get across, but these are the tips I find can translate well to anyone looking to send that first message.

Start by letting them know why you are writing them in the first place. What drew you to their page?  Was it their profile picture, what they were looking for, or what they wrote about? Express this by giving them a sincere compliment about what you were attracted to. If thought the way they wrote about their profession showed a level of passion you were attracted to, tell them that. Everyone that’s dating online puts effort into their profile, and it’s flattering when someone takes notice in that.

Point out the similar interests you two share. Did she say that she likes canoeing in summers? Well if you do as well, share that information. Starting a connection is hard when you’re giving it a cold go, so get the conversation flowing naturally by showing her that you two are potentials to be a compatible match.

Let her know what it is you’re looking for. People tend only to respond to messages that fit what they’re looking for. If you are seeking a long term relationship, subtlety mention that. This way if she’s looking for only a date with the potential of sex, you both don’t invest time in something that isn’t going to work.

The most important thing to do in your first message is to try and let the real you shine through. If you’re funny, be funny! You’re trying to get to know the real her, so let her see the real you. Take a look at messages people have sent you and try to mimic the guidelines of ones that stand out. And if you’re really worried about it, get a friend to read it over. They’ll have the best idea if it represents you well, and they’ll be able to tell you if it’s something they as an outsider would be interested in.